my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize