Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
false alarm, still single
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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