Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
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I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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