Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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