Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
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The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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