Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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