I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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