Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize