I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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