My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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