Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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