It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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