Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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