They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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