Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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