I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
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I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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