The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This house was built for laser tag.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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