I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize