Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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