Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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