She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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