it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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