Cold hands, warm shart.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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