I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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