So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize