Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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