the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
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That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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