If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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