In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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