Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize