my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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