I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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