No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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