She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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