I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
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So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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