yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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