I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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