I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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