The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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