Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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