It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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