So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize