You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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