you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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