Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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