He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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