Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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