we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize