My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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