I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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