He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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